You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
