So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
