I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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