"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
