We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
