My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize