One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
