she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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