We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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