I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
