Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
