So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
