Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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