Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
