he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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