the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
