Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize