When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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