when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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