Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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