Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
babies were throwing up all over the place
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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