i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
