he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Sorry about my life...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
