Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
