he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
