and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
