I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I skipped work to stalk him.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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