I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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