Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
