I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
