:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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