Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
it's like heaven, but drunker
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
