My room smells like vodka and shame
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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