new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize