you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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