She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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