Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
