All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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