This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
of course. lets lasso hookers.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
