Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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