before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
