There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
