he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
