Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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