hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
