He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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