He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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