fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
