I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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