I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
