happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
