Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
