the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
