I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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