i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize