New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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