I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
