I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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