i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
