I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize