it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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