you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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