that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
