Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
