the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
