Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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