FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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