how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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