So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
